Family dynamics can be complex, often fuelled by misunderstanding and opposing stances. Although, unconditional love in itself is something extraordinary and teaches us so much. When a parent starts to change, become alien to you, it is confusing and leaves us feeling unsettled. Deep seated reasons for these changes, if known about, can help us decode the new found attitude or way of being. When their almost constant behaviour towards us changes for the worst, how does one cope? Parents are supposed to be stoic and consistent, not vulnerable and erratic; what a huge cross to bare. A life of coping and putting others first clearly causes a repression that ultimately will manifest itself in a kind of self implosion.
This aforementioned unconditional love equips us with an important coping mechanism when the retorts and aggressive comments begin. As a teenager we no doubt caused the same feelings of confusion and upset in our parents, with unexplained outbursts of anger. Now it is our turn to be tolerant, to look past the unfounded words and connect with the painful truth of what this person who has been a long term coper is now going through.
To realize that you are no longer someone´s child and no one is going to look after you anymore is devastating. Regardless of one´s individual independence levels, it is still important to remain feeling like a child who has a protector/parent waiting in the realms just in case. Without realizing it, we in turn become carers, surrogate parents who need to role reverse and put our parents´ needs first. For some this change comes easily, for others not so much. Wanting with all your might for your parent to be happy, content, satisfied. Seeing their complex layers separating and thinning out; exposing themselves. A cry for help?
