THE END OF THE AFFAIR Part 2

A week and a half later I was with him in Madrid. He paid for my ticket and I went to his house. To the Lion´s den, to the lair of the Alpha male.
He picked me up from the airport. I was so elated but nervous. I wore a long, green dress and felt wonderful. He took a photo of me as I came out of arrivals. We kissed. He was a hugger and I felt so protected pressed up against him.
He drove me home and made me dinner; prawns with tartar sauce to begin with, and then a strange mix of bacon and green vegetables from a tin. He cooked well actually and all weekend I felt very looked after as he mentally processed what to make me and then served up steaks and salads, gazpacho and then as a response to my own hunger request, a fish dish with leeks at 330am. He even made me a special strawberry dessert and asked me tenderly in the mornings if I was ready for my coffee. Details are everything and should never be overlooked.

We went out with his friends that first night, and the next, and the next. To the same bar del barrio. No glamour or variety there but raw authenticity yes. Something that I also love. His friends liked me, he showed them I was his. It was a magical, essential feeling of ownership.

That night in the kitchen he drew me closer and I didn´t resist. I had planned to do just that as the following weekend we were going to Valencia together to his half brother´s wedding. I felt that carnal acts could wait until the romantic setting of a wedding. However, he had told me that we would be sharing the hotel room with his daughter. I could´t quite believe what I had heard. Then and there in the hallway of his flat, I had an instance of reversed morals and decided to allow what we both wanted to happen, to happen. We were compatible, and my fears melted away. Although in the morning I quietly observed his behaviour towards me searching for signs of a wane in interest.

The weekend was magical but not as magical as I had anticipated. The trip to The Prado and to dine in the gardens of The Ritz as we had discussed ( Or I had imagined alone maybe ) only came half way to fruition. Late start, tiredness for his part and for mine, ( but I fought mine off as I was so happy to be there ). A late lunch at home, resting on the sofa, more intimacy there and then, and he took me into town. Demonstrations, roads closed, no parking spaces next to The Prado. We went round in circles. We went to another part of town. We walked around briefly and we went into a coffee shop where he knew the owner. He had helped him with an investment apparently. He walked out without paying for our coffees, presuming that it was on the house. I was a little embarrassed. A giver? A taker? A provider?

I left Madrid sad. Hee went to work on Monday morning and left me incarcerated in his attic flat which was miles from the center of town. I didn´t like the sensation of being the little woman at home waiting for my man to come home. I wanted to explore Madrid, go for my breakfast alone and be free, all the while knowing that I was loved and in love.
He came home and took me for lunch, but basically ignored me for the duration; more calls, business head on. He took me to the airport and we kissed.

I arrived back to Barcelona missing him terribly but also aware of my own vital independence and lust for life that seemed ever so slightly quashed by him. He had written the first message to me whilst I was in the airport. He missed me already. I remember crying on the bus home but also messaging him constantly, so in effect I didn´t feel alone. I was in love but also still me returning to the life I had built for myself alone. He had spoken to me many times about wanting to be with me in the same location, to live with me, maybe in London, maybe in Madrid, maybe in an as of yet undecided city. These were his plans. I felt a mix of terror and excitement. His overwhelming need to rush and not allow us time to simply enjoy each other from a distance, worried me. Could he simply have not really seen me? Was he unaware of what it meant to simply be in love and allow the joy to envelop you instead of worrying about a future that may never happen?