DATING IN BARCELONA: Interviews with my male Catalan friends

I have spent going on a year dating Catalan and Spanish boys, with mixed results. I think that in general, the dating game is overrated and can be quite emotionally draining, time consuming and irritating!

However, I have met some nice people, and pushed myself through trial and error, to see what I truly need and want sentimentally.

Some of my recent experiences have been less rewarding however, and rather negative.Regrets aside, I would say that my reasoning for documenting these dating experiences, is still to decode the interpersonal and interracial relationships that many of us tend to maintain. Brave or stupid, daring or silly, call it what you will, being foreign and single outside of your own country is a full time challenge.

Interview tactics gone wrong

Up until recently, getting hold of my young Catalan acquaintances in order to interview them, was virtually impossible. They disappeared out of my life in a puff of smoke, and silently at that. Therefore the interviews were put on hold.

I enclose the original questions that I had written for one particular boy, in Spanish but translated into English. Maybe this particular interview is meant to be an only a series of questions with empty spaces where the answers should be. How to get to know the workings of a male Catalan brain without the subject matter being obliging is beyond me:

Questions for J (the Catalan boy in question):  28th March 2011

• Your parents are separated. Do you think that this has affected your approach to the sentimental relationships that you have had?

• Has this affected your choices of women and types of relationships?

• What do you think of Catalan women? I know the answer to this one at least! He doesn't like them at all and finds them very bland and difficult.

• Which nationality of women do you tend to go out with?

• How do you find foreign women? Do you understand us?

• Have you ever lived outside of Spain?

• Do you consider yourself to be an independent person?

• Do you understand or respect how difficult it is to live outside of your own country?

• For you, who is your ideal woman?

• Are you happy?

• How do you compare Catalan and British women?

• Are you happy with your body, and do you consider yourself to be a good person?

• Do you have more male friends than female friends? I refer to friendships with the opposite sex which have no sexual connotations. 

         I think that the interview is certainly written with a preconceived idea about what I wanted him to tell me.I felt frustrated by his lack of communication, and utter selfishness, hence me wanting to literally question him. He was someone who took readily, but who couldn´t give emotionally.Not a remotely positive influence.

I suppose the conclusion here is, that you can´t change somebody, and why would you want to.It´s simply a case of filtering out the negative influences that come your way in life.

I still wonder what he would have said to me though in answer to my questions!!I could second guess his answers, but not all of them...

Dating Abroad; multicultural romanticism

I have spent years dating Foreign men. The last British boyfriend I had was when I was 18. He later became a hate figure within my family and friendship circle due to the fact he came over to end our relationship whilst I was eating aubergine bake at home with my good friend Michael.I remember that dish and the sensation of utter sickness that came across me as if it were yesterday:  He ruined my appetite in that moment, and my interest in local men vanished almost instantaneously.
This interest in men from different countries all started with my passion for foreign travel, different languages and accents, and a general interest in all things ( and men) of foreign persuasion.
I began dancing in 2002 and along with my flare for Indian dancing, came my interest in Indian boys.2 and a half years of dating a guy from Mumbai taught me many things about my own limit system, cultural misconceptions and the fact that I am extremely good at adapting into, and learning about, other cultures.
This relationship culminated in a lone trip to Mumbai in 2004 in which I stayed with the aforementioned boyfriend's family. They apparently had no clue I was his girlfriend (they couldn't be told as they wouldn't approve according to my ex;  interesting mix of cowardice on his part and cultural norms came into play here.)His mother, pregnant sister, her husband and I, spent a magical 10 days together in their tiny flat on the outskirts of Mumbai. They gave me the right to sleep on the double bed whilst the heavily pregnant sister and her mother slept on the floor, much to my horror and embarrassment!
The mother spoke no English but we spent everyday together going shopping and cooking. On one occasion she bought me a sari (in which I later went on to wear and perform a dance for the family in). We communicated through common respect: no words were needed. Her inherent dignity was extraordinary and her beautiful greying hair that fell down her back when she unravelled it at night, was something to behold.
I went to Mumbai looking for action, dance and nightlife. I certainly found that in abundance. However, I think I also went to learn more about why I had chosen to be in a particularly difficult relationship with a young and oppressed Indian boy. What I learnt through staying with my ex boyfriend's family under the pretence of being just a good friend from the UK, was indeniably interesting.
My own values, morals and ´Britishness´ were tested at every turn. Wearing a long sleeved shirt with one button too many undone, was quickly seen and jumped upon by his mother. The level of conservativeness was amazing to me, but of course something I respected.
Nine years on, and an Arab, Peruvian and Argentian boyfriend later, I now find myself living amongst another (albeit this time closer to home) culture. One that ironically is extremely different to my own in quite surprising ways.
Catalans, their perspective of foreign women and their varying interest and participation in the multicultural dating game, is rather perplexing at times. Although the majority of foreigners here in Barcelona are also Europeans like themselves, we seem to be worlds apart in ways of thinking. Let’s focus on this in my next blog entry. I want to tell you about my interesting experiences of changing my outlook from only dating South Americans here in Spain, to transferring my affections to the local men. I would have to say at this point that the case is not closed nor have I reached a satisfactory conclusion about whether finding love here in Cataluña for an English girl like myself is actually possible. However, I am quite happy to continue the research!!